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The rigour of the old regime was apparently modified by giving
the young lady a chance to refuse. About ten days before the
marriage, two ladies are selected by the mother of the young man
to carry a peculiar ornament made of ebony and jade, or jade
alone, or red lacquer, to the home of the prospective bride. This
ornament is called the ju yi, which means "According to my
wishes." If the lady receives it into her own hands it signifies
her willingness to become his bride; if she rejects it, the
negotiations are at an end, though I have never heard of a girl
who refused the ju yi.[3]
[3] The remainder of the chapter is from Mrs. Headland's
note-book.
Very erroneous ideas of the life and occupations of the Chinese
ladies of the noble and official classes are held by those not
conversant with their home life. The Chinese woman is commonly
regarded as little better than a secluded slave, who whiles away
the tedious hours at an embroidery frame, where with her needle
she works those delicate and intricate pieces of embroidery for
which she is famous throughout the world. In reality, a Chinese
lady has little time to give to such work. Her life is full of
the most exacting social duties. Few American ladies in the whirl
of society in Washington or New York have more social functions
to attend or duties to perform. I have often been present in the
evening when the head eunuch brought to the ruling lady of the
home (and the head of the home in China is the woman, not the
man) an ebony tablet on which was written in red ink the list of
social functions the ladies were to attend the following day
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