Книга только для ознакомления
. Tried to explain." She spread her hands helplessly. "But how could I, when I really didn't understand myself.9 How could I, when I can't even do it now?"
She brushed a tear from her cheek with a quick jerking motion.
He knew then, realized he'd known ever since he'd first seen her, hadn't wanted to believe it. He didn't want to even now.
"So don't. Let's leave it, okay?"
"There," she returned bitterly. "You see? This is exactly what you would have done seven years ago. This is me!" She made a sweeping downward gesture with her hands, a gesture that included her breasts, her small waist, her hips. "Me! As I was meant to be!"
He said nothing, just shook his head again.
Reaching over, she gripped his hand, his good hand. "I didn't know back then, though I think I suspected. Or maybe I knew and I just didn't have the courage to admit it. Much less go through with it. All the signs were there. My disastrous relationships with women. How I thought I could buy love like fake diamonds. Pay enough for them and no one will ever know they're phony. No one except me.
"To make up for it, I put myself into a machine. My work was my refuge. My hiding place. In the excitement, the tension, I could forget. It was only when all that was over, when the undercover work was finished and I was alone and scared--then I understood. I looked in a mirror and I saw myself and I knew myself
|
